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A few years ago, my colleague Faith Hill reported on what psychologists call the “Michelangelo phenomenon”: the idea that over time, romantic partners mold each other. “Some researchers have found that when that happens, the art tends to look conspicuously like the artist,” she wrote.
Researchers aren’t in agreement about why exactly people in relationships become more alike as time goes on. Couples might also just imagine that they’re becoming alike, Faith notes; we’d prefer to think that a long-term partner is developing in the same ways that we are, even if that’s not entirely true.
Whatever the precise explanation, that fact that partners can begin to resemble each other is a reminder of the power of love to change us—not just to change our lives, but to actually alter who we are at our core. Today’s newsletter rounds up stories about how relationships of all kinds can influence your personality.
On Personality
The Mystery of Partner ‘Convergence’
By Faith Hill
Couples’ personalities can become more similar over time—but the causes are still enigmatic. (From 2024)
The Personality Trait That Makes People Feel Comfortable Around You
By Julie Beck
People with positive “affective presence” are easy to be around and oil the gears of social interactions. (From 2019)
People Seek Out a Certain Kind of Person When They Are Happy
By Olga Khazan
Your mood might have a big influence on the type of companionship you want. (From 2019)
Still Curious?
- “I gave myself three months to change my personality”: The results were mixed, Olga Khazan wrote in 2022.
- What your favorite personality test says about you: Are you a Myers-Briggs person, an Enneagram person, or something else? In 2023, The Atlantic made a quiz to help you find out.
Other Diversions
- Why is everyone in Silicon Valley talking like that?
- Photos: Releasing animals back into their habitats
- There’s no reason to buy a new phone anymore.
PS
I recently asked readers to share a photo of something that sparks their sense of awe in the world. “Every day for the last month this beautiful monarch butterfly has been visiting my balcony garden,” Maureen T., 76 , from Toronto, writes. “I sit and watch and wonder at its beauty. I even named him Fred.”
I’ll continue to feature your responses in the coming weeks.
— Isabel